Seven months ago, I finally figured out what I wanted, what trajectory I wanted my life to take.
Then I didn't get accepted to the MFA program, and I went into limbo. Without the paid excuse to be a writer, I was scared to make the commitment and leave my full time teaching job. But I did, and I have been so happy that I made that choice.
The plan was always to work hard and reapply for the MFA this year, aiming for admission in 2012.
But things have shifted, and I am no longer confident that this is what I want. I have been teaching part time at the community college and loving it, even though I am not teaching literature. I really like teaching basic writing, and I don't need an MFA to keep doing what I'm doing.
Then there's the fact that my literary focus has shifted fully to YA fantasy, and the programs I am considering would be in poetry. Not that I don't still write my poetry and dream of a published volume: I do. However, if my reasons for wanting an MFA were to find literary community, will I be alright limiting my community to a side branch of my writing? I know that YA lit is often looked down upon by "serious" writers, like those who would be my colleagues in the MFA. (Yes, there are amazing low-residency MFAs that specialize in YA and children's lit, but I can't afford something like that. If I get an MFA, I need an assistantship.)
So you see, I am conflicted. It doesn't hurt to apply, which I will continue to prepare to do, but I am not as sure anymore that this is what I want.
Commence epic confusion.