When is your book done?

"Art is never finished, only abandoned."  ~da Vinci

I've been thinking a lot about endings lately, probably because I've been tinkering with the YA fantasy trilogy that I conceived of a year ago, and for awhile, I thought I was coming closer to a close.

This is the trilogy that I started in January of 2011.  In March, I added a major character and rewrote the beginning of the first book.  I thought I was done with the draft of book one by June, but then I had an idea and I tweaked until August.  After a few revisions and crit partner reviews, I was sure it was complete by October.  Then, before going on the query quest in December, I polished it up one more time.  Okay, two more times, but who's counting.

Since then, I've kept working on the series, but I thought the first book was as good as I could make it.

I was wrong.

Based on some feedback I received last week, I sat down with the "finished" draft of Book One and started to go through it, and I discovered something that probably won't surprise you, but wasn't quite what I'd expected.  It might have been done in terms of story, but it wasn't the best book I could write.

So I flung myself into revisions, slicing and dicing and expanding and expounding.

Is it done now?  No.  Is it better?  So much. 

What I've Learned

There's some real truth to the statement attributed to Leonardo da Vinci that art isn't really complete.  But I think there's more to it than that.

Art (and by this I mean all creative endeavors, be they tangible, audible, edible, or visible) is an expression of a piece of its creator.  Hopefully, we humans are continuously growing and changing, discovering new facets in ourselves and letting go of that which no longer serves us.  So it's only to be expected that our art will change, too.

I don't think it's so much that art is ever abandoned, but that the artist arrives at a place where the art is as representative of that part of her soul as she can possibly make at that time.  We can't strive for perfection, but we can strive for personal best.

Will my personal best look different in a year or five?  I hope so!  Does that mean that I will allow this series to become my magnum opus, my never ending project?  Not my style.

I do know, however, that I will keep polishing and plucking at this project until it feels as true as I can make it, and then I will give it the chance to enter the world and become something other than my creative baby.

And that is, I think, the scariest thing about art: not that it can be never-ending and all-consuming, but the knowledge that once it's released, it will become many things to many people, but it will never belong to the artist again.  So if you're rushing to finish a project (as I often am), slow down.  Cherish the time that the art is still in yours.  Because someday, it won't be: someday, it will be speaking with its own voice out in the wide world.

What do you think?  Product, process, journey, what's your take on the idea of art being finished?

New Space!

In an effort to separate my YA fantasy projects from my adult fiction and poetry, I have created a new blog dedicated to the other half of my writing.

So, drum roll, please!

You can follow my adventures as a poet and adult author at my new site: http://jennifermcconnel.wordpress.com/

I'll also be Tweeting @ProDeaWriter.  Don't worry, this blog isn't going away!  I am just striving for better organization in my writing and the way I promote myself. 

Please pass on the new site to anyone who might be interested!

Next post here: reasons to love Disney's Brave.

Preparing for another Mercury Retrograde

Mercury went retrograde again yesterday, and in the spirit of embracing the oft-misunderstood occurrence, I've got a few suggestions to show yourself some love in the coming weeks.

Mercury Retrograde isn't a time to jump headfirst into the unknown, but you shouldn't hide under your bed, either.  The last time this astronomical happening occurred, I made a pact to treat myself with kindness in the coming retrogrades.  Now that it's time to put my money where my mouth is, I'm already running behind.

But that's okay.  I can still use this wonky time for peace and reflection.

First up: meditation.  I'm a sporadic meditator at the best of times, but this Mercury Retrograde coincides with the free 21-day meditation challenge offered by the Chopra Center.  This challenge is a great way to start or deepen a personal meditation practice, and I can't wait to get started tomorrow.  It will be good to have three weeks of enforced solitude, even if each meditation is only about fifteen minutes long.  Sometimes, I don't even take fifteen minutes, so something is better than nothing.  There's still time to sign up if this sounds like something you'd be interested in.

Next up: changing the way I think about change.  For the coming weeks (and the rest of my life, really) I've committed to accepting change with open arms and a smile.  This also means that I will try to step outside of my comfort zone.  For example, today I met my yoga buddy at a new class.  I don't know what I was expecting from a class called "chant and restore", but, well, it was filled with chanting and restoration.  It wasn't what I thought I wanted, but it was still good.  So with that in mind, in the coming weeks of screwy Mercury (which rules communication as well as travel), I'm going to try to look at things from a "maybe not what I expected or wanted, but what I needed" mindset.  This will be VERY challenging for me (I'm a bit of a control freak), but I figure now's the perfect time to stretch my boundaries.

Finally: writing.  I've said it before and I'll say it a million more times before I absorb it, but writing makes me sane.  It doesn't need to be more than a thousand words of new material a day, but at the minimum, I owe it to myself to keep scribbling.  With that in mind, I probably won't dig too deeply into any revision work over the next three weeks, but since this retrograde coincides with our annual vacation to Oregon, that's okay.  I wouldn't really be doing any revisions right now, anyway.


So, to recap: instead of fighting the planets, I will use this current Mercury Retrograde to deepen my introspective work, shift my resistance to challenges, and keep writing.  How will you balance your life while the cosmos are out of whack?

Looking Back

Today is July 2nd.  This is remarkable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the speed of the current year.

But the biggest reason I am aware of the date is that today is a milestone for my writing career.  Today marks a year and a day from when I became a full time writer.

In many cultures, especially the Celtic ones, a year and a day was an important length of time.  Sometimes, handfastings would be sealed for a year and a day.  In other places, initiation was considered complete into a school or way of worship.  In many fairy stories, people find themselves held prisoner in the land of the Fey for, you guessed it, a year and a day (at minimum: the fairies don't let people go too readily once they have stumbled through.)

A year and a day ago, I dedicated myself fully to my word craft.  I left a full-time teaching job with no plan other than to write...a lot.  In that time, I have acquired a few part-time teaching gigs at the college level, but my full-time focus continues to be my writing.

This is a good time for me to look back and see if the risk I took a year and a day ago has paid off.

• In this time, I have completed four novels.  I've polished three, and started another.

• I have attended two major writing conferences and one intensive workshop, and been accepted into another writing workshop in the coming months.

• I have participated in NaNoWriMo and "won" for the second time.

• I started querying in earnest and found a delightful agent to help me along on my journey.

• I have had four more poems published, and five more accepted for publication.

• I had my first nonfiction piece published in Sagewoman, my favorite spiritual magazine, and had a second piece accepted for an upcoming issue.

• I completed the drafts of all three books in my YA fantasy trilogy.  (I never imagined I could write a series!)

What an initiation it's been!  I can't wait to see where the next year of my journey leads me, but I can say with a heart full of joy that I am so thankful I took a leap of faith a year ago.  I chose to make writing my focus, and I have had a year full of joy and learning experiences.

This is one fairy hole I don't want to climb out of.

How about you?  What have you done in the last year that amazes you?

A-Z Challenge: G is for Gail Carson Levine

Remember to check in with the other A-Z challenge participants!

G is for Gail Carson Levine



I first discovered the works of this delightful author in a children's literature class in college. We read "Ella Enchanted", and I've been hooked ever since.

Levine crafts wonderful worlds built around fairy tales and familiar themes. She plays with magic: she doesn't struggle with it, or force it. Reading her work is like being a child again, full of wide eyed wonder. She's also written an excellent book on writing: although it's geared for younger writers, it's filled with wonderful exercises for anyone who writes for a young audience. There are so few books written for teens who want to write, and I love that Levine not only writes for her target audience, but actively works to foster their creativity, too. What a superstar!

Gail Carson Levine also keeps a blog dedicated to dishing out literary advice. Whenever I'm stuck, I wander over there and try one of her prompts.

She is probably the single biggest influence on early writing. Although I write for an older audience, I love fairy tale re-tellings and magic, and Levine is one of my modern literary heroines.

Who are your favorite modern writers? Which authors have influenced your craft?

April means...A-Z Challenge!

April is just around the corner, and it's more than just the cruelest month for poets: it's time for the A-Z challenge!

I've never participated in this before, but I'm super excited to be the 1,170th person to sign up this year.

I started brainstorming today (oh, look, something shiny to distract me from my WIP). In an effort to make this month not only fun, but useful to myself (and hopefully to you, dear readers) I've decided on a writerly theme. The writing process, literature, publishing, and influential authors all make appearances on my list.

Yes, I will be researching and writing my posts ahead of time. Thankfully, that's legal! April is a month full of family, travel, and writing groups for me, so it's nice to now I can participate in this challenge if I spend the rest of March planning ahead.

So, what do you have to lose? I used to make my students write A-Z lists all the time: in a few days, I will feel their pain. Sign up for the challenge here, and remember to have fun!

Writing Workout

Writing is a lot like getting in shape. Maybe I've been thinking about this because my own fitness journey coincides with my journey as a writer, but let's explore the analogy further.

1. When you want to get fit, your start with a manageable fitness goal (5% of your body weight, or working out twice a week, for example). When you want to write more, you should also set a manageable goal.

Manageable goals have always been hard for me: I want to do it all, right now, and emerge victorious by tomorrow. But when I lost thirty pounds, it wasn't from doing anything instant: it was because I took it slow and steady, rewarded myself for any forward progress, and didn't dwell on the setbacks.

So what is a manageable goal in writing? For me, at this stage in my life, it's manageable for me to write 1000 words a day. They don't have to be 1000 perfect words, or even 1000 very good words: it's important for me to keep my brain in practice every day, even if the words I produce never amount to anything.

2. Exercise is important, but you don't want to become bored with your routine.

In terms of my physical health, I try to mix up my activities: walking, yoga, and core training circulate through my week on a pretty regular schedule. Two of these activities I truly enjoy, which makes it easier to stop whining about the third. If I tried to do cardio for an hour each day, I'd quickly lose interest in that work out regimen (trust me, been there, done that).

Since I have multiple writing projects at various stages, I am able to rotate through them just like my exercise. I write every day, but some days I will also spend an hour revising a draft. Other days, I may outline a new idea. Sometimes, I don't do anything but write, but I switch genres: if I'm tired of my novel, I may journal for a thousand words. Poetry is a nice outlet, too: my writing muscles get worked in different ways with each aspect of the craft of writing.

3. Hard work pays off...slowly.

Losing weight wasn't easy, but I did it. Changing my health habits wasn't easy, but I feel better now in my body, and I am glad that I put in the work to get here.

The same goes for writing. Even if the results aren't immediate, I can trace my successes to the level of time and energy I've put into the craft of writing. It's a long, slow process, but if you stick with it, you will see results.

How do you keep your writing muscles flexed? What routines work for you, and where have you fallen into a mental fitness rut?

Life After Agent

Like many unpublished writers, I spent a lot of energy and time researching the publishing world. I stalked, er, sought out, various agents, learning everything I could about their tastes before submitting my work. I sorted my rejections, replying to each and absorbing any direct feedback I received.

It was familiar. I knew the rules.

Now that I have an agent, I find that I'm in uncharted territory. We're on submission, but any rejections that have come in go to her, not to me. It's strange to not have up-to-the-minute information to fixate on. Honestly, it's difficult: when I was submitting my work, my overbearing type A personality was happy. I was constantly receiving information, which I could take or leave, but I know that the process was helping me to grow as a writer.

But now, I feel a bit helpless. I know that my goal to find the perfect agent was aiming towards this end, but now that I've found her, it's hard for me to sit back and twiddle my thumbs, without even rejection letters to analyze. I know she'll tell me if there's anything worth telling, but still, it's a whole different world. I know nothing about this side of the process, which is why I wanted to work with my agent in the first place. Ah, the circle of irony.

For awhile, I got lazy after signing with my agent. I stopped working on the trilogy that she's pitching, and played around with various other novels. I didn't realize I was wasting time, but I was.

Last weekend, I gave myself a tarot reading, and the results were pretty emphatic: if cards could shout, mine were yelling in frustration. "Do your work, stop wasting time, focus on what matters!" I've learned to listen to messages like that, wherever they happen to come from in the universe.

So I set aside the play novels, rolled up my sleeves, and dove back into book two of the trilogy. I have a lot of work to do before I can send it off to my agent, but it's work I love. And hopefully, this will keep me from obsessing too much about the fate of book one. It's out of my hands now!

And that's the hardest part.

Paris for New Years

I realized that I haven't posted about our holiday excursion yet, but instead of a rambling memory, I think I'll post this little tidbit that I wrote for my creative writing class.



***

Looking at Paris in this light, I am reminded of the first time I ever traveled here.

It was the summer I turned 20, and the world was full of possibilities. I was traveling alone on my way to a study abroad program in Italy, and I thought I might as well see the city of my dreams first, since I would be closer than I had ever been.
Standing at the information desk in the airport, jet lag combined with awe stole my measly semester of college French, and my mouth dropped open, empty of words.
"English?" The young woman's voice was as starched as her blouse, but she smiled slightly when I nodded.
"I'm sorry," I began, mortified that I was already living out the stereotype of the uninformed American traveler who doesn't bother to learn the language before visiting.
"It's o.k." She handed me a map and explained the easiest way for me to get into the city.
"Thank you. Oh!" I blurted, blushing. "I mean, merci."
And with that I was on my way. I spent the next three days trying not to speak, trying to blend in. I ordered food by pointing at menus, and I smiled a lot. I was lonely and miserable, but something about the magic of the city seeped into my blood.

***

My husband snakes his arm around my waist. "What are you thinking?"
I look out at the twinkling tower across the water, and over to the revelers who are getting ready for midnight and a brand new year. It's only 8 o'clock, but the party has already started, and I feel the thrill of it moving under my skin.
"Thank you for bringing me here."
He smiles, quizzical. "Of course. You love Paris."
"I do. I really do."

Happy Blogoversary

Today marks the two year anniversary of this blog! Looking back over my old posts, I realize how much I've learned (and how much I still have to learn!)

Delphi joined our lives two years ago, introducing infinite cuteness.



Two years ago, I participated in NaNo for the first time.

Two years ago, I was teaching middle school.

Two years ago, I thought I wanted to write for adults.

Last year, it snowed like crazy here in NC.



One year ago, (give or take) I attended my first real conference.

One year ago, I was still teaching middle school.

One year ago, I connected with a source and started my YA historical novel in verse.

This year, we celebrated three years of marriage. I attempted to recreate our wedding cake, with moderate success. (Grandma made it better!)


This year, I did Nano for the second time.

This year, I stopped teaching middle school and migrated to college.

This year, I embraced my YA-author-ness and started a fantasy trilogy for older teen readers.

Since I started this blog, I've written and rewritten so many stories. I've seen a few more of my poems published, and I've learned how to write a query letter. It's amazing how much I've changed, and I can't wait for the rest of this wild ride.

Thanks for joining me as I explore what it means to live the life of my dreams...

Guest Posts in 2012

I'd like to try something different to start the New Year...

if any of you, my dear readers, would like to be a guest blogger at any time in January, shoot me an email! I'm open to any and all topics that are writing-related: the creative process, writer's block, submissions and queries, self-publishing, you name it, I'd like you to write about it!

Hopefully, this will appeal to you. Email me at jenmcconnel at hotmail dot com (only one L!) and we can set up a date for your post.

Or, if you don't want to post, but have topics you'd like to see me talk about in 2012, please leave your suggestions in the comments.

Thanks, and happy Friday!

The times, they are a changing...

The year is racing to a close, and lots of things seem to be shifting in my little corner of the world.

NaNoWriMo officially ends tonight at midnight, and I'm close to completing the novel that I began this month: I'm at 56k right now, and I think the story is winding down. I aim for 60-65 at first, because evidently I write backwards: for as much as I slash on my revisions, I tend to add, too. Then I'll put the book away, not to be opened until December 25th at the earliest (no, it's not a Christmas present, it's part of my holiday travel reading). I'm excited to see where the story is taking me, and it's a strange thought to realize I will be setting it down at all, let alone for most of a month.

Then there's my day job. I'm nearing the end of my first semester teaching community college, and it's strange to realize that I won't see these students again. It's probably a good thing semesters are short, because I am reaching the point with some of my students where I am starting to wish we were friends, and I know better. Boy, do I know better!

I'll be teaching again next semester, and I got the word today that I'll be adding an online course for the university that I TA for: I'll still be TAing, but I'll also be teaching in 2012. This is a major shift, and one that I've been waiting for for a very long time.

And then there's the novel. It's out there in agent land, where I've been devotedly querying for the past two months. Hopefully, I will hear good news on that front soon.

All this change has prompted me to look back with a truly thankful heart. Things have fallen into place for me better than I could have imagined, and I know that I am very lucky. So, with that in mind, what changes (large or small) are you thankful for?

Love and Lessons Learned

This month has been full of cool things. First, my in-laws came to visit. Then, my best friend came to stay. Soon, my sister-in-law will be here. Somewhere in between, we had our neighbor over for a meal. The house is cleaner than it's ever been, and the cat is super confused. I love how the warm fuzzy feeling of the holidays is starting to permeate my life earlier this year, and I even don't mind that the mall was playing Christmas music already.

I've been working away on my NaNo WIP, and I'm staying fairly on-task. It's not good, but at least it's steadily growing, even if this means I may not have done as much grading as I should. But I'll catch up this weekend...after I finish this post.

I also had the opportunity to be a guest blogger at my writing friend Charity's site. I thought that the topic of waiting and staying positive was a funny one (those of you who know me well will understand how hard I have to work at those two things), but it seemed timely: last week, I got a fortune cookie that told me "the lesson you teach is the one you need to learn."

Yeah. Thanks, smart cookie.

Balance

I've been a bit frazzled this week, but I think I am starting to get the hang of this new schedule.

The hardest part about shifting from a full time teaching position to a part time position is, actually, the time. When I was teaching middle school, I knew that every day I would leave the house at 6 am, and every night I'd return around 4 or 5. That meant that from 5 to 7, I wrote, did yoga, and got my online teaching responsibilities out of the way.

Now that I'm living the life of a full-time writer, I have no two days with exactly the same schedule. Some days I teach from 9 am to noon before having to go pick up my husband at 4, and then some days I don't have to leave the house until my 8pm class. It's really challenging, because I am a creature of habit. I like my routines. They feel comfortable.

I am learning the beauty of the kitchen timer. I give myself, for example, two hours to prep for class, grade, and take care of school-related responsibilities. Then, in theory, I walk away from the job and begin the heart work of writing.

Some days, I don't get to yoga. Other days, I don't write very much. But slowly, surely, I am figuring out how to balance my new life.

What do you do to juggle your responsibilities with your joy?

YA Fantasy Completion

It's been 52 days since I became a full-time writer. In that time, I've learned how to make my own schedule and (mostly) stick to it. I've accepted a part-time position teaching Freshman Composition at the community college up the road. I've traveled through eight states and one province, visiting family and friends along the way.

I've also finished the first draft of Book Two in my YA fantasy trilogy.

I kept thinking I'd finish it sooner, but tonight I was finally able to tie up the lose threads and find some resolution.

Now, I need to sit on it and let it simmer in the juices. Maybe it's time for me to go back over Book One for another set of revisions.

Instead of jumping right in and starting Book Three, I'm planning to explore the idea that I had in this short story earlier in the summer.

Where does this leave me for the next few months? Revising and crafting and gearing up for two major conferences, one in September and one in October.

What a beautiful way to trip into fall!

Graduation Maddness

I just got home from a busy weekend! My little brother graduated from high school this weekend, and it's been a blur of caps and gowns and party food for the past four days. I'm really proud of him, but ashamed to admit that he became my excuse for not writing all weekend. Woops!

I haven't updated on my writing in awhile, so before I get back to it, I thought I'd share my progress with ya'll.

I've been working on the second volume of my YA modern fantasy, which I anticipate will be a trilogy. Book Two is taking a different path than the first novel, and I continue to be surprised by the things that pop up: I love when characters really have a mind of their own!

My goal is to finish a first draft of Book Two by August. I'll also be editing Book One like crazy, getting ready for the much anticipated South Carolina Writer's Workshop Conference in October. My goal is to be ready to pitch Book One to an agent by the conference, and the father along I am in the trilogy at that time, the better.

It's been hard to really focus on my writing as fully as I would like, but all that will change very soon. As of June 30, I'll be teaching only online, freeing me up to make writing my primary "work".* I'm really psyched about this, and I can't wait for the month to end so I can dive in!

Perhaps I can spend some time with Book Two tonight before I collapse blissfully into my own bed...

*Although I don't really consider writing to be work. For me, it's blissful play! Editing, however, is a lot of work.

Writing and Monday

Despite the long drive to and fro Pennsylvania this weekend, I spent the work day refreshed and smiling. This probably has something to do with the fact that I started "Midsummer Night's Dream" today with my Language Arts classes: I look forward to this unit all year!

I'm proud to report the my YA modern fantasy climbed above 34K words this evening, as I met my thousand words goal for the seventh night in a row. It's a really good feeling to be focused on this book, even if I haven't been able to focus so much on yoga or doing the dishes in the past week. Oops.

I was reminded again of how fortunate I am to make my home in North Carolina. It was a beautiful day today, despite the pollen count, and it was warm enough that I needed to change into shorts for our evening walk. When I talked to my grandmother this afternoon (she's still back in Michigan), she talked about storms, clouds, and cold weather. I am so thankful to live where I do!

If the rest of the week continues in this mode, I think it will be really good. It's amazing what a change of perspective (and a change in the weather) can do!

Sharing words

I went out for coffee with one of my girlfriends yesterday, and the conversation worked its way around to writing. She says she loves editing, and offered to take a look at some of my work. She quickly qualified this offer by saying, "if you're not ready, I understand. It can be hard to release your children into the world."

I've been thinking about that this morning. My writing is precious to me, and I have labored over every phrase. However, I am not clinging to my babies to keep them in the nest. My writing is more like a really dramatic teenager: I want it to leave, in fact I'm at a point where I would give it away, but for some reason it's still there every day, glaring at me.

Wonder if this is because I work with and write for teens? But even my adult fiction refuses to fly away.

Maybe I'm just a bad mother. :)

Quiet Query Sunday

While I got almost 2,000 words of the YA modern fantasy written while I was traveling, it's good to be home at my desktop working again.

I've spent the morning re-working my query for the historical novel in verse, and I've sent it out to a few more agents. We'll see what comes of it. One thing I can say: my confidence in query writing has grown in the past year, due to all the reading and learning I've been pursuing.

The sun is throwing rainbows on the walls of my writing room, and I am struck once again by how lucky I am to have the physical space to ply my emotional craft. A writer really does need a room of one's own.

I've been reading a biography of one of my favorite authors, Louisa May Alcott, and it's interesting to me that even in the poverty that typified her youth, she understood the need for private space to do her work. In her teen years, her mother created a room for Louisa to use as an office, and it was then that she really began her writing career.

Reading about other writers, both modern and past, helps me to maintain belief. It is comforting to realize that I share enthusiasm with writers who, one day, achieved publication. I know I've got poetry publication credits to my name, not to mention three years of book reviews for VOYA, but right now my goal is to obtain publication of my fiction. I write to fill my heart, make no mistake, but I also dream of being heard.

What do you dream of for your writing?

How do you balance craft and "real life"?

I have made a commitment to myself to write every evening, no matter what, and I've stuck to it so far in October. I've also flexed my submission wings more in the past weeks than I had for a season, and I feel good.

The flip side of this is the fact that I feel as if my writing is taking over my waking life.

I worry about taking enough time to spend with my husband at the end of each day, not just for his ego but for the joy I get from hours spent talking with him. Although he reminds me often that I am a writer and that he is happy when I write, I worry that my writing has supplanted all the other important things in my life.

How do you strike a balance between the worlds you create with your words and the world your physically inhabit? Does anyone have any tricks for keeping things in the proper perspective?

I have realized by this point in my life that balance is the lesson I have been sent here to learn, but every time I think I have it figured out, something else seems to stick out oddly, like a grapevine that just won't take the shape of the wreath.